Thursday

If you're Really My Friend, Buy This Now!

Because the best way to celebrate friendship is to give your special friend a piece of reflective glass with a lame saying and a random puppy in blue flowers on it. This isn't so much something to buy as it is something you should try to manipulate someone into buying for you. See Charlie Sheen, we don't have to be #winning to be winners. We just need someone to like us enough to spend their allowance on this. As a bonus, we can then look at ourselves in the mirror while reading the words over and over as we self-sooth. People, here's some sad truth for you: Eventually all your friends either die or find a boyfriend and won't need you anymore. This is all that will be left of your bestie after you graduate from high school. She's gonna get married and have 3-4 kids and a husband who has a jaw that's too big and was in a frat. Meanwhile you'll have a gym membership you never use and will live for happy hour. You'll talk to your mom twice a day on the phone but damn it you'll be a winner.

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